I don't want you to die, Mummy

The recent days have been emotional ones.

There was a storm on Thursday morning that caused flash floods around Singapore, and disrupted traffic on many roads.

I drove by this big tree with my girls in the back seats, as I do at least four times each weekday, on my regular schedule. In the short 10 minutes I drove past the tree and then back towards it again, the rain torrents had knocked it over.

Given the extremely slow traffic that morning, and a big bus in front of our car, I didn't realise what was happening just in ahead of us. I was busy taking quick photos of the rain through our car's moon roof, admiring the big, fat, raindrops splattering down on us:


Then I saw it.

The huge tree and surrounding shrubs across both the to and fro lanes. I was composed enough to snap a blurry photo. The tree branches and leaves blocked the view of the road completely, and I wasn't able to see the vehicles on the other side of the tree at all.


The bus driver in front of us, who had a better view from where he was, waved his hand signalling for the rest of us to make a U-turn, as there was no way any vehicle could drive through the fallen tree.

As I carefully made my turn, driving past a long line of cars stuck on the road, I realised how close we were to being hit by that tree. My babies and I could have been hit twice within that 10 minutes, on our journey up and down that road. A tree of that size would cause considerable damage. I started to tremble and tears started to flow from my eyes in shocked spurts.

I tried to take deep breaths to calm myself, but the sobbing peaked when I drove past the wreck of these two cars that were hit by another fallen tree. It was just too close for comfort.

Even as I thank God for His hand of protection on us, the shock of it all has been lingering these two days.

Today, Bubbles came to squeeze and kiss me out of the blue, saying: I love you very much, Mummy, I don't want you to die. I can only reason that it was the tree incident that brought about this thought in her.

I didn't feel ready at all to have a conversation about death of loved ones. But the conversation had to take place. I told her about heaven and eternity, and how we all have a short span of life on earth. She said she was going to pray that I will live forever. I told her that I believe I would, and that she would too; not on earth, but in heaven, where there is always joy and no eczema.

It was a conversation I need to pick up properly again with her. We need to talk about this again sometime in the future when the both of us are ready to do so.

Right now, I thank God for life, for love, for loved ones, and for His divine will and timing.

Will you join me in this short reflection on death, and along with it to rejoice in life and with living?

5 comments:

blissfultyrant said...

Amen! Give thanks. He is always ahead of us ensuring that we are safe. Hugs!

Missus Tay said...

I've never been more afraid of death until I became a mother.

Sharmane said...

Just wanna share caleb's experience. We were driving one night with countless flashes of lightning n thunderstorm. After that incident he had night terrors for months. Initially we thought its regular nightmare but it was too frequent and almost daily. Pd said its likely due to scare trigger.

Jamie said...

Thank God for His protection over you and the girls! I am not ready to have this conversation with my 4 yo yet. Especially when already she has major separation anxieties.. But this emo mommy here always gets very sad at the thought of me having to leave the girls one day!

Susan said...

Thank God for His hand of protection. We had a close shave when we were in Taiwan too where we missed the falling rocks during out drive to Hua Lian. I tried explaining what death means to Sophie but that only got her more worried and scared and she told me mummy you must hold my hand when I die okay, then I can see you in heaven. It made me so sad that I teared and hugged her tight.