I'm a Chinese Mother too

Many of you would have seen this article that has been making its rounds. It is written by Amy Chua, a professor at Yale Law School. The article is an exerpt from her book Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother.

Much has been said about her extreme style of parenting.

In Singapore, the overnight queuing to register children at a certain prestigious kindergarten also garnered much attention and debate.

Recently, on this site's Facebook Page, I've had a lengthy discussion that has helped me clarify my own values, desires and beliefs on parenting. I am by no means done with this clarification process, being a mother of but 1 child who is only (almost) 16 months' old.

I've summarized some of my discussion points here for your reading pleasure (and sharing of views if you wish!).

Views of a not-so-experienced Chinese mother who also wants the best for her child... ...

The reality is that we are in a society that is competitive, and that there is little or no safety net should our children 'not make it' materially in life. To achieve material comfort later in the grown-up years, the most straightforward route seems to be to do well academically and with that, to proceed to get a well-paying job. If we were living in another country where there is a comfortable social welfare system, I'm certain that this will not be as big an issue!

What I hope to do:
I want to expose Bubbles to the broad richness of life - to appreciate music, languages, sports, the sciences, and to observe her personal preferences and inclinations. I then want to encourage her to pursue what her natural strengths and and preferences lead her to. I want to understand her natural inclinations and guide her along those. I do not advocate lazyness so I will decide if more work needs to be put in and encourage her in that direction. This is especially so for core subject areas in school that we cannot run away from (like how I hated Maths but still needed to pass the exams). How this will be done remains to be decided, and also largely depends on how self-motivated she naturally is. I need wisdom to have the right balance so that I don't swing towards being too indulgent or have too low expectations as well!

About hard work:
I agree that hard work is needed to achieve world class success. There is no doubt. Even the most talented person needs to put in a ton of effort and gruelling hours to achieve that. The question then is if we want to insist that our kids achieve that kind of world class standards and at what cost. For me, when it comes to sports and music, I am clear that I don't have the desire for Bubbles to be world class or even top class in school. But I would like her to be reasonably good at whatever she chooses to learn so that she is able to enjoy doing it, and her life will be enriched because of it.

Motivation:
Studies have indeed shown that people are motivated when they can see that there is a possiblity of success. So perhaps how I would like to motivate Bubbles is to help her see that.

Costs:
At the end of the day, every parenting choice comes with a cost. What costs are we willing to bear?

These are the costs I am NOT willing to take - I am NOT willing to have her be 'successful' in life if the costs are of her:
1. Losing her faith in God
2. Having a bad relationship with us as parents, or with her siblings (if any)
3. Developing a low sense of self
4. Believing that we love her only because of her achievements

What I need:
I know that I can only do all of this with a HUGE dose of humility, wisdom and love. These I pray God will provide! :)