Whenever I tell people about my work and childcare arrangements, they always exclaim about how lucky I am.
Not many people can have the option of working 3 days a week, a mother to help with childcare, and a domestic helper to do household chores. I understand that and don't mean to be ungrateful.
However, the wonderfulness of this arrangement masks the complexities of stuff that I need to juggle. I often feel ashamed or afraid to even start talking about my struggles except to the closest friends. And even when I do talk about it, I hold back the rants and try to sound as factual as possible, not revealing the strong emotions I really feel.
What's there to be stressed about? You have so much help! I even had someone wave aside any difficulty that I may have as negligible because I have the "good life".
The truth is, I have to do more with this part-time arrangement as everyone thinks I have spare capacity given that I
only work and care for baby X days a week each. So I end up with more of everything. The whirl of household management that often includes the needs of the extended family lands up on my lap along with the usual wifey roles, childcare, and 'work' work. I have to deal with deep convictions and opinions about bringing up Bubbles - the first and only grandchild on both sides of the family. I have to handle the difficult emotions of people around me. I am expected to perform. It is not unusual for me to be up late, long after the household sleeps.
Someone recently told me about her friend, a young mother, walking out on her family. She felt she was taking on everything. It was too much and she decided to give up, abandon her family and live for herself. If I had heard this story a few years ago, the naive me would have hurled judgement upon this woman. However, being a new mother myself in a society like ours, I can understand how a person can be driven to such actions. Not that I think it is the right thing to do.
Anyway, I recently read this
article by
Lysa TerKeurst on
Finding Balance. She talks about finding the balance between Ministry and Family and shares a little about how she does it. Her context is not altogether the same as mine, but the flurry of comments in response to her article assured me that I am certainly not alone and that feeling the way I do is perhaps normal.
In my quiet moments with the Lord, I thank Him for placing me in this special position in the family to be of such influence. It is a season in life to be experienced, warts and all. I am able to do this because of God's grace and my love for the people that I serve.
Wow this has been a long post. I hope it encourages anyone else who may feel burnt out.
