Maid-en Issues

I'm going to be an employer. Of a Foreign Domestic Worker (FDW), that is.

Yes, after months of intensive discussions (and a couple of fights) over this, we have caved in and taken steps to employ help.

This is all new to me, and I do feel like a fish out of water getting this sorted. Stressful feelings have been made more acute because I have never liked the idea of having live-in help. I've always felt like it is some form of slavery, ridiculous as that may sound to many. Thankfully, I've received good advice from many friends, and now am in a more positive frame of mind about this situation. We've prayed for good help, and I look forward to building a positive relationship with our FDW, and hope to utilise my training and coaching skills developed at work.

In Singapore, all new employers of FDWs need to take a Foreign Domestic Worker Employer's Orientation programme before being allowed to apply for an FDW. I opted for the E-learning programme, which is run by the Singapore Polytechnic. I personally felt it was a rather good programme, helping to manage new employers' expectations, and also for us to learn about the legal issues involved. I was particularly impressed with how the programme included photos of FDWs homes in Indonesia and the Philippines, so that new employers understand the kind of living conditions their FDWs come from, and what that could mean in terms of their understanding of what things like hygiene and safety. There are many modules about how to coach and communicate with an FDW, and questions along the way to ensure that learning takes place.

I have bought her a chest of drawers, towels and toiletries, including a tube of handcream. I plan to also get a notebook and pen for her to write things down. We couldn't make ourselves put her in the 'usual' maid's room, so she will be taking up my craft/computer room, where there are proper windows and air-conditioning - should the weather get too hot. This just means I'll have to plan crafting time in the future.

As I am looking through maids' schedules that my friends have generously shared with me, I struggle in planning how to coach her when she comes in. In my usual form, I trying to plan what to do when she first arrives, how to orientate her, what kind of schedule she should be on, how to teach her usage of different equipment, how to lay down rules without being mean, how to be kind without allowing myself to be taken advantage of etc. I realise everybody has their own way of doing this, and I will too, eventually.

I am used to showing hospitality to guests that come through our doors. But I have been warned that I should not be too nice. That I should be strict from the beginning. That I should lay down rules. That the employer-employee relationship should be kept intact. I struggle with how I should do this without compromising who I am, and what I believe in. How do I balance a healthy working relationship with our desire for her to be part of the family? Maybe it is not possible. I don't know!